Phenomena (1985): That's What friends are for...
So you’re watching a scary movie and it gets to that inevitable scene where our protagonist is about to enter a place that they obviously shouldn’t. It’s usually an abandoned house, a dark patch of woods (without a flashlight), any type of basement or attic, a creepy doll store that is closed… You get the picture. It’s also usually the slowest the person has walked throughout the entire movie and now they are inching there way towards the entrance, their hand reaching for the dusty doorknob, and the suspense is killing you (!!!)
You quickly slide your hands up to cover your eyes, then part two fingers ever so slightly so that you are still able to see, and you wait. And just when you’ve prepared yourself for the scary reveal (queue scary old person, pale evil child making cat noises, dead body, half animal/beast person, skeleton in a rocking chair, etc) you hear the pounding sounds of Motörhead. Yes, Motörhead. Then you think “what the fuck?!”. Director Dario Argento ruins any chance any scene had to be scary by playing music by Motörhead, Iron Maiden and Goblin. When not rockin’ out, a young Jennifer Connelly calls on her creepy crawly friends and a monkey to help her solve murders and get out of sticky situations. So bad it’s amazing.
2:11 pm • 8 November 2009
The Apple (1978): You're no good.
The idea of what makes a film “bad” is completely subjective. Hell, this blog wouldn’t exist without bad cinema. Some films that are “bad” are charming, visually interesting, or have other redeeming qualities, while others are “bad” in a way that is painful, confusing, and despicable. The film The Apple is the latter. This film also serves as a warning to directors that not all ideas conceived during drug use are worth turning into a full length feature. And actors, If your manager brings you a film script where throughout you will be wearing a hologram sticker on your forehead and singing terrible songs you should think twice. Then you should light a match to that script and your manager and walk away. Really.
Yes, those were dancing fireman and surgeons you just saw. And yes, that man is dressed as a snake. Terrible right? If you have seen the Apple, please tell me, am I missing something?
8:00 am • 3 November 2009
The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T (1953): Piano Man.
The 5,000 fingers of Dr. T is a Dr.Seuss book come to life. It is in fact the only film to be written by the beloved children’s book writer. In a time before CGI monsters and intricate puppets it’s nice to see the huge and elaborate sets that were built for this film. It’s organic, and there’s almost a crafty, childlike DIY vibe to some of the props and costumes. The songs, also written by Seuss aren’t great; but Hey! not everyone can be as lyrical as R Kelly.
The story is all about Bart, a precocious child reluctant to take his piano lessons seriously. He believes his piano teacher Dr.Terwilliker (Dr.T) is an evil man trying to steal his mother away and set up an institute to enslave young boys into playing a five hundred seat seat piano (This is where the 5,000 fingers comes into play). It’s full of lots of Dr.Seuss speak, interesting characters, a Technicolor color palette (which I love) and the child that plays Bart is perfect. More creative and darker than most modern children’s films.
11:13 am • 2 November 2009
"I Love Hot Dogs is in Paris and Stockholm for the week, be back next week with lots of updates (!!!)"
5:34 pm • 26 October 2009
Smooth Talk (1985): Girl, you'll be a woman soon.
Connie just wants a boy to hold her and make her feel important. She wants what most fifteen year old girls want: attention. She used to be the baby of the family and now she’s tall and beautiful on the edge of being a woman. Connie and her friends get into innocent fun at the mall and tthe movies but decide to test the waters at an older hangout. A mysterious guy there tells Connie “I’m watching you” and slowly draws a silhouette of her figure in the air with his finger. It is creepy and hilarious at the same time: one of my favorite parts of this slightly disturbing film. We then know that their innocent fun is going to take a darker turn.
Smooth Talk is based on Joyce Carol Oates 1966 short story “Where are you going? Where have you been?” which was in turn inspired by a series of murders in Arizona. The story and film and both beautiful and eerie. The film features a soundtrack featuring music by James Taylor, Laura Dern at her best, my favorite movie mom Mary Kay Place and the beautiful backdrop of California. Definitely one of my new favorite films. P.s. Look at that typeface (!!!)
For Becky.
1:23 pm • 21 October 2009
Total Recall (1990): Don't dream it's over.
Nothing says T.G.I.F. like Arnold Schwarzenegger in a turban (!!!) And yes, it goes without saying that he was robbed of the 1990 Oscar for best actor in a leading role. Unbelievable!
“If I am not me, then who the hell am I?” -Douglas Quaid (Good fuckin question.)
7:30 am • 16 October 2009
